it really took all of my strength to write this resolution down. it really have dried my tears out.

finally my life met one big turning point.

i’ve decided.

to temporarily ended every sweet memories i’ve had with my everything.

although it had break my heart into extremely tiny debris that could not be mend anymore.

although it would leave me millions of lonely night and harsh things to be faced alone.

although after that i would never feel the warmth of his everything anymore.

although after that tears would never stop falling every night until i fast asleep when i hug a treasure from him.

although i would miss every second i spent with him and i would constantly feel pain in my heart.

although it would be extremely devastating without him.

but now..

it’s time to move on and continue my life.

i still need many growning up to do here. i still have to consider about myself, my future and my everything.

we have to be separate in love for now.

no matter how hard we try, but now it just won’t work.

but now it’s time to struggle and strive in a whole new life.

i have to reach my dreams. getting to university. being better in violin. being a better bestfriend. being a better daughter and sister. being mature in everything.

and..

and..

someday we’ll really meant to be, really meant to be. someday.

geez, my tears are still falling as i write every letter in this post

closed her heart temporarily from him and trying to be brave.

afifa ayu koesoema-agus wibowo

140608-171208-one sweet day-forever

hi!

it was years ago from my last post :p

well lately i am very very busy with everything and everything’s allright and fine. a little bit of acceptable glitches here and there. but for overall it’s allright. what’s bothering me is my heart.

so cheery outside.

so bitter inside.

well well.

to be like my previous statement (so cheery outside) i will not write anything about the things torturing my heart so much, instead i will recap about everything that have been happening to me recently..

1. SCHOOL & UNIVERSITY

fter a long 5 months of warming up (which make me a bit morron in class) i began to understand math and physics a bit. extra work and motivation is really needed to push my academic thingy up.

about university? again i’ve changed my decision. i will not be majoring business at SBM.

instead i would like to take biomedical engineering as my first choice (ugh, it is inside SEKOLAH TEKNIK ELEKTRO DAN INFORMATIKA ITB-well let’s just try!) because well, i’m trying to face my weakness at physics, and there you can still study human’s anatomy. making brand new medical instrument, cool! and mom’s said if you’re already inside that faculty it will not be as difficult as it seems to be. hmm. let’s just try, prove it that you can cope it!

and my second choice would be.. AEROSPACE ENGINEERING ITB. strangely i love aviation so much. i really enjoy and always try to find out about plane’s structure and machine when i ride an aeroplane. well, i might just watch too much air crash investigation at nat geo, but i consider aerospace engineering might be something nice to take.

well. just pray for me then :p in january i will take extra course at Daniel for my USM. i have to strive as hard as i can. to achieve my big dream. i have to proof that a little girl can reach her big fantasy
2. TBI.

finally! i’ve graduated from TBI global english class. after a long course from the second grade of junior high school until now, whew, it was such a memorable 5 years. and that helps my english so much (although my english is still as messy as a wreckage ^^ you can see at this writing)

and my score is quite okay. here’s my FCE test result : 95% for speaking, 93% for writing. both 77% for listening and 51% for use of english. 79% for overall. it was the second best at my class, the first was reynaldi, no doubt (his english is perfect)

3. MUSIC

is running smoothly alhamdulillah!

i’ve just had an opportunity to play with cozy street corner at selasar sunaryo. it was.. wonderful. i was soo damn lucky!

and about my new band angsadanserigala, it’s also running quite well. we have recorded two songs bahagia and manusia for our demo. and as the time goes by it become much more enjoyable to be there. especially after we get close to each other fyi, we’re performing at SCORE! ciwalk at tuesday 7pm. be there!

as a developing little amateur violinist, my teacher has requested me to make songs. my own songs. and if the number is sufficient and the quality is passable, he will have my song recorded. i’d sing or play violin or play piano. and he’d play guitar, and another instrument. OH MY GOD. what a big dream
going to my classical ambition, after struggling so hard finally i can follow twilite youth orchestra annual concert. i almost failed to follow the concert due to my tests. but God’s wise, because the exam next day after the concert will be english. i think i’ll be able to make trip bandung-jakarta-bandung(again, arriving midnight) at sunday-monday. i mean, i don’t have to study english as much as i study physics. so it’d be fine i guess.

just pray then. i’m still very flunking at everything. but i’ll practice! i promise for you just be there, the concert will be held at usmar ismail hall at 7pm 14th of december 2008, guest star is a cellist from england (oh my gosh, i’m again so damn lucky!)

and seems like my old good partner has came back. and we’ll play together at this sunday, at tobucil’s crafty days :p

music is just so wonderful at this moment. thanks God!

4. HEART (well.. it’s not so cheery outside, but so bitter inside)

my heart is.. torn apart. something’s happening at someone that i love so much. well and we sort of losing communication. maybe he just need a time apart from me. i’ll be allright if he’s becoming better with a time apart from me. but i really don’t know what to do with him. i’m feeling really anxious. i don’t know what to do to cheer him up. to bring back his spirit. or anything useful for him. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO HELP HIM, AND THAT’S TEARING MY HEART, SO MUCH.

sometimes, with his disappearing, i felt a bit lonely. especially when something gone bad. but i have to try to face it by myself for now on. i have to be a brave big girl. how could i be a place for him to lean on if i couldn’t solve my problem with my own power?

..

so that’s how my days go.

so cheery outside, so bitter inside.

darl, i miss you. 14th of december is approaching

i’m having a few hiccups.

which i really can’t tell to you and describe briefly in my post here. well just want to tell you that the problem source was from two of the music institution/organization that i’m quite active at.

but well. seems like now the problem has been half solved. thank you for those who already help me

but well. as usual. my biggest problem. priority clashing and stuffs.

hm, getting too tired recently. seems like that i’ve bitten more than i can chew.

still have to be active at orchestra, organization, playing bands, and pursuing for university+graduating. something might be miss and being forgotten by me.

hmm next time i have to be more careful at everything.

despite of my incapability and small strength to do all of the thing, i still have to be strong, and precise.

if i really do want to be a good violinist (meaning : besides daily practice, i also have to build trusts and connections everywhere by being loyal to the organization that i’ve comitting myself at)

and to be successful at school (meaning:graduating with above average mark and getting good university)

well that’s the thing that i have to take and deal with.

so it means :

1. no more abandoning something that i have to do.

2. be precise and scheduled at everything. ask everyone to correct me if i was wrong.

3. study hard

4. shoo my inferiority syndrome away

seems too harsh for a little bunny like me.

but this little bunny will strive as hard as she can to keep her head out of the water

please pray for me!
thanks for : my family, my sweetie, and my bestfriend to be my ultimate strength when problem strikes

arrgh!

my dilemma recently : PHYSICS.

having 2 genius teacher like pak tata and bu ani in this senior year really really freaking me out.

you know, maybe this is the peak of all of my dilemma of study. i mean i’m really really flunking physics. although i know the average point of my class is very low having 50, 40, and 40 in a row is really devastating!

i’m really flunking physics. and i’m sure that my grade will be D- or maybe F, just like Mia Thermopolis, flunking in algebra.

Afifa Ayu, flunking in physics.

it’s kinda ironic to remember that i was a member of *sort of science olympiad participant-islamic base clique* called FAS (FAS stands for fisikawan angkat senjata)

it was me, hera, bj, aldi, yusal, and birza back there. and i really was KEEN on physics. i never have any difficulties at all in solving physics problem, either having score under 70 and indeed following olympiad too.

i don’t really know what cause my physics ability to be terrible like now?

maybe some kind of brain degradation?

or yeah, maybe the thing is just getting much more complicated by the time. and my brain’s kinda tired of studying something not really in my interest.

or my brain have found something much more fun to be done. i.e. : playing violin in bands and orchestras, also doing english debating rather than following physics olympiad. tee-hee

well well, i’m kinda jealous with physics genius. pick an example at one of my classmate, who have 3 perfect point in a row. i don’t know what his brain is made of. physics equation? i know he cannot play violin but well.. am i wrong to condemn my stupidity compared to that boy?

besides, he’d never complain and condemn my ability in violin. yeah, because violin is not needed in school world. violin won’t lead you to a good university by UAN, SNMPTN, USM, SIMAK or anything. violin is just some kind of additional skill in the world of senior grade student like us now. who strive to get a good university.

well unless you want to take music major somewhere abroad, it won’t help you directly.

argh sorry for blurting.

right now i’m just hoping for some basic understanding of physics. that can make my score better. a bit better than before. and just make me pass the gate of physics national examination.

also praying and striving what i can do.

aargh. i hate physics!

just pray that i’ll pass high school, fellas!

*missbunnybiola

if you’re not poetic.

if you don’t really have a time to meet the one you loved.

if you get a bit clumsy in front of him.

if your mind is struggling to make a romantic things to be said.

if you want to lift a bit of burden in his shoulder.

if you want to make a little smile appears in his face.

if you want to celebrate any special moment.

mainly, if you just wanna say that you really love someone and you really care about them.

and really want to brighten his day and share your little joy.

JUST SING IT guys.

tomorrow is a special day for me. 14th of november 2008. i know that this date doesn’t mean so much right now, since we’ve broken up -sigh- but we both know that this day is extremely important for us. memory’s still there to be kept and celebrate.

i decided to give him one CD. that i sang sopran-tenor together with my teacher. it’s just so happen like that, the song editing finished tomorrow, our.. hmm. used to be month-anniversary

and with the song i just wanna him to know that i love him so much. and all i ask of him is to love me

doakan berhasiil uy!

ok kembali balik ke mode bunny kecil yang tidak memusingkan hal2 seraam

aah sebulan lagi my lovely orchestra, twilite youth orchestra bakal konser! aku tegang2 gak jelas gitu. jelaslah.

1. lagunya susah (menurutku) yaah latianku rada kurang siih. tapi tetep aja bagiku susah. maklum background klasikku kurang (tapi itu gak boleh jadi excuse juga sih) pokoknya harus latian lebih!!!

2. kalo ada audisi seatting alamat paling belakang deh ^^ hahaha. maluu.

3. mas tommy kadang galak hahahaha. dan sensi ama yang duduk di belakang. teringat moment pas kita lagi main peer gynt no 1 dan 2 desk paling belakang disuruh mainin sendiri! huaaa. nightmare (ok i was not included there, my seat was the third from the back. but i can feel the emotions) gimana atuh, biola dua kan sampai lebih dari 6 desk kebelakang. terus semuanya ngejejer ke belakang begitu saja. kan yang dibelakang susah denger. dan cuma bisa *hah-heh-hoh* doang.

hahaha. kocak deh.

aku seneeng banget ada di TYO tapi ya itu, strugglingnya bo, mati2an. ampe mau mati luluh lantak (hiperbol) main klasik emang susah :p

btw. sepertinya kita main 4 lagu untuk konser. tapi biasalah 4 lagu klasik dengan movementnya yang sampai lebih dari 5. walhasil? enak didengar, pegal dan waswas terasa.

yang pertama ialah PEER GYNT suite dari grieg. movement 1, morning yang sulit. dan ribet. banyak arpeggio gitu. tapi ya susah atulaah. posisi2nya killer pula. movement 2 dan 3 yang belom pernah dicoba (nah loo) dan movement 4 hall of the mountain king yang sumpah keren banget. tapi bikin pegel mampus. tentu saja. tremolo ditambah speed gila2an dan FORTISSIMO. siapa gak cape?

yang kedua ialah CORIOLAN OVERTURE. lagu audisi dulu, jadi rada familiar. sesuai dengan ceritanya yang tentang jenderal coriolan yang mau menyerang roma. lagu ini sangatlah berkesan MARAH2 DAN GARANG. banyak banget forte forte dan forte. asyik sih, cuman cape. lagunya bener2 megah dan pada ahirnya… si jenderal coriolan ituu.. mati bunuh diriii! hihi.

yang ketiga ialah WAND OF YOUTH dari edward elgaar. lagunya bagus sekali dan kalo gak salah ada 9 movement or soo. dan baru dilatih beberapa movement. movement pertama yang jelas. terus yang rame movement terahir yang cepet banget temponya. sepertinya lagunya bercerita tentang anak2 yang sedang bermain dengan riaang

yang keempat yang dimainkan dengan bintang tamu celloist dari england ialah CELLO SUITENYA HAYDN. edan susah parah lagunyaaa :’( paling belum sempat aku latih. dan temponya serta penjarian dan bowingnya itu. gak nahaaan.

haha friends, doakan saja aku selamat dan bisa ikut konser dengan baik. dan gak paling belakaang

dan dataanglaah.

ke konser ini yaituu..

TWILITE YOUTH ORCHESTRA ANNUAL CONCERT (sepertinya) di USMAR ISMAIL HALL TAMAN MINI 14 DECEMBER 2008

ayo datang datang dataang